Go green by buying a car!

The Mini Cooper is the Felt Curbside of automobiles in that it’s a neutered version of something that was once authentic, it evokes racing for people who will never race, and it’s “cute” in a completely derivative and studied way. As a cyclist, I find Minis particularly annoying, because the trendier neighborhoods of Brooklyn are filled with them, and they’re generally driven by the sorts of people who text their friends to ask them what kind of wine they should pick up for the party as they roll through stopsigns into busy intersections. It’s only fitting then that these rolling graduation presents would be sold as a way to “go green.” The people “going green” these days are the same people who did graffiti or experimented with homosexuality at their liberal arts college–they enjoy flirting with a lifestyle they don’t understand in an environment where it’s looked upon favorably, but as soon as it becomes difficult, unsafe or embarrassing they conveniently abandon it. Fortunately for them, you don’t have to give up your car to “go green.” Instead, you just need to buy a new one with marginally better gas mileage. And fortunately, “going green” also allows you to measure just how pretentious you are by calculating your “carbon footprint.” Or, in the case of the Mini, your “carfun footprint.” Hey, if people want to “go green” by buying a car, or they want to go vegan by ordering a hamburger instead of a cheeseburger, who am I to complain? But I still think a much better ad would have been: “Mini: It’s Fun-tarded.”

Bike Snob NYC: Honk If You’re Hoary: Riding with the Geese


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